At the Crane mansion, a drunk Esme and Julian returned to her room and kissed passionately. Julian threw caution to the wind and had no qualms about being the next of her lovers to be killed, unaware that someone was watching them from the doorway. Luckily, it was just Fancy, who screamed at the sight of her father and her best friend in a clinch. Fancy expressed her outrage and disgust and left. "Some friend you are," Esme huffed. "I thought you'd be happy for me." The lovers resumed their activity, then played a game of strip-Twister. Later, Esme returned from the shower to find Julian unmoving on the bed. She poured champagne on him, waking him up. Esme was startled but relieved. As they went at it again, someone was watching them.

Using a blackboard, Tabitha showed Kay the evil she must commit before getting Endora back from the dark side. Kay was sympathetic. Tabby lamented that it seemed impossible to split up Luis and Fancy, although she was thrilled she got Theresa to poison Gwen at the hospital. Tabby balked when Kay said she needed to stop. "Evil can be wickedly fun," Tabitha smiled. "I haven't been this truly evil in years." Kay worried that Tabitha was changing for the worse.

Paloma surprised Noah with a rose and a food tray when he awoke. "All I want is you," he enthused and pulled her into a kiss. Tabitha watched the pair make love from her magic bowl. Post coitus, Tabby zapped Paloma, who began to clean the room. She found a picture of everyone's favorite orangutan, Precious, in Noah's dresser drawer. "Oops," Tabby said in voice over. Tabby zapped the pix and it was an image of Noah kissing Fancy. "Do you still love her?" Paloma demanded of Noah as he exited the shower. "I thought I threw away all my old photos," he said. "Fancy means nothing to me," he assured. Peering into her bowl, Tabitha laughed about this couple's future misery. Kay demanded to know who Tabitha planned on breaking up next. Tabby convinced Kay it's better not to get involved. Kay said fine, just don't harm her family. Tabby danced around the matter but secretly lamented what was ahead.

As Luis got off the phone, Sheridan blurted that she'd pay anything for the Marty's ransom. "What do they want?" she demanded. "A life," Luis replied. "Mine." "No!" Sheridan exclaimed. Luis blamed herself for Marty's kidnapping and thought this may be his penance. "I can't let you do this," she tearfully replied. Sher told Luis she has never stopped loving him. Fancy overheard the exchange.

At the hospital, a passed out Eve woke up screaming, "No, not you!" It was Valerie, questioning what she was doing on the floor. "Stretching," the drunk doc replied. Val said that she needed to see a doctor, and it needed to be Eve. The good doc said she was suspended but Val didn't care. She needed someone who wouldn't give her a full exam. (You know why!) Val then blurted out she thinks she's pregnant. With Julian's baby? "Just what he needs, another illegitimate child," Eve sneered. "Val pointed that she slept with "Vincent" also. Eve had a blood test run, which stated that Valerie was indeed pregnant. Val was shocked and demanded that Eve perform her exam. Eve agreed, but stated that Val has to get an OB-GYN for the rest of her needs. Val whispered to herself that, "After this exam, we may need to call Ripley's Believe It Or Not!'" As Eve began the procedure, she lifted up Val's gown and gaped, exclaiming, "I've seen this genitalia before!"

Tabitha stood over her magic bowl and gleefully plotted casting spells against Harmony's couples so she could get Endora back home. Kay and Noah interrupted them; Tabitha feigned being concerned about all of the murders that had been taking place in town. After, Kay asked if Noah and Paloma are planning to get married, but he didn't think he was financially ready to tie the knot. To herself, Tabitha gloated over how she'd make sure Noah wouldn't be able to make Paloma happy. Later, Kay wanted to use magic to help Noah and Paloma, but Tabitha urged her not to. Tabby asked her to stop countering her evil magic so they could get back Miguel and Endora. Kay thought that her brother should be off-limits and went to find a spell. Tabitha decided to use a particular spell on Fancy so she could counter Kay's. Kay returned with a spell book and wondered what was going on. They saw Gwen in the magic bowl.

Sheridan expressed her love for Luis. Fancy barged in and told Luis that they were sooooo over. "We're done this time. I mean it," she stressed. Yeah, right. Luis chased after, but Fancy didn't want to deal with him. Luis tried to explain that "things" were going on, but she didn't want to be a part of their "warped, little triangle." "This kind of thing wouldn't even pass muster on a daytime soap opera!" she yelled. Ouch. Sheridan defended Luis and explained that he's making a great sacrifice. Fancy wanted more information, but of course, Sheridan wouldn't fill her in on the situation with Marty. Fancy stormed out.

In jail, a sad Theresa lamented having to give up Ethan to protect Pilar. For someone in prison, Theresa was looking pretty good in a floral skirt.

In the hospital, Ethan insisted to Gwen that Theresa poisoning her was an accident. They wondered who could be a possible liver donor for Jonathan. To herself, Gwen thought about how Little Ethan could be a donor but didn't want to let Ethan know that he was the boy's father. Gwen feared that she'd lose her son, but Ethan urged her to stay positive. When Ethan went to visit Jonathan, Gwen called Rebecca and informed her that her baby needs a partial liver transplant, but that she'll have to let Ethan know about Little Ethan. Rebecca instructed her to keep her mouth shut. Later, the doctor informed them that neither of them is a suitable donor... Kay and Tabitha watched Gwen in the magic bowl. Kay couldn't believe that Gwen would risk her own child's life to hold onto Ethan.... Gwen began going on about how Ethan didn't understand what was going on with her. Ethan asked her to explain, but she wouldn't. Tabitha was pleased as she watched Gwen cry. She found it amusing that Gwen and Theresa faced the same dilemma: whether to tell Ethan that he's Little Ethan's father.

Luis sat on the docks by himself and blamed himself for losing Marty, and now Fancy. He wished he could tell Fancy the truth, but knew he couldn't for Marty's sake. Later, Luis told Sheridan that he's willing to risk his life to bring back Marty.

Noah walked in on Kay as she peered in the magic bowl. Noah wondered why she was doing this, so she lied that she was trying to clear her sinuses. After, Noah discussed his job situation, explaining that he wouldn't take a job in the same place Fancy worked because it would make Paloma angry. Later, Noah ran into an upset Fancy by the docks. She told him that she and Luis are finished. Tabitha zapped them and they kissed. As they did so, little sparkles floated around them. Oh, that Tabitha!

Tabitha disguised herself as a doctor and visited a sleeping Gwen in the hospital. She whispered to Gwen about how horrible Theresa is. She began to suggest that Gwen keep quiet about Little Ethan so she could have Ethan to herself, but, as a mother, found herself sympathizing for Gwen. Still, Tabby warned Gwen that she can expect to experience a lot of agony.

Ethan visited Theresa in jail and told her about Jonathan needing a partial liver transplant. He then asked if she'd allow Jonathan's sibling to get tested as a possible donor. Theresa thought he meant Little Ethan, but he meant Jane. Ethan wondered why she mentioned Little Ethan as a possibility.

Luis told Sheridan that he's willing to sacrifice his life to save Marty, but Sheridan didn't want him to. Luis insisted, stating that he was Marty's only hope. Sheridan agreed and went to get the car keys, but he snagged them and went without her.

Pilar sat by herself at home and thought about her deep, dark secret. She glanced at a photo of her younger self with her childhood friend, Juanita. Pilar wished they could've stopped things from going wrong.

Cut to a flashback of Pilar and Juanita. The girls giggled over men and discussed their future. Pilar stated that she wants to find true love. Juanita wants to marry rich. The girls then sealed their friendship with blood.

Cut to the woman with blonde hair who'd been threatening Pilar. She crumpled up a copy of that same photo and declared that Pilar would pay for betraying her.

In jail, Ethan wondered why Theresa mentioned Little Ethan as a possible liver donor for Jonathan. Theresa explained that she was just thinking of Little Ethan since he's her son. Ethan again asked if Jane can be tested as a donor, and was honest about the risks the little girl would face. Theresa was understandably unsure. Ethan then wondered why she used an anti-love potion on Gwen rather that just coming to him. Good question! Ethan went on that if she understands how much he loves her, she wouldn't have had to resort to that. He reminded her that he's only spending time with Gwen because of Jonathan's condition. Ethan wanted Theresa to get therapy when she got out of jail. Too little, too late, don't you think?

In the present, Pilar recalled warning Juanita that marrying Carlos is a mistake. In the next flashback, Juanita showed Pilar her and Carlos's mansion, and revealed that she and Carlos are engaged. Pilar was happy for her, but concerned that she'd just met Carlos. She wondered what Juanita knew about Carlos, but Juanita only cared about them being rich. Juanita then revealed Carlos's last name and Pilar realized that Carlos is part of a crime family. Juanita insisted that Carlos didn't want to be involved in the family business. Pilar feared that her friend was getting in over her head. Juanita wanted Pilar to be happy for her.... Back in the present, the blonde woman again blamed Pilar for destroying her happiness.

Pilar had another flashback, where this time, she was a mother. She received a letter from Juanita, reporting that she'd had a baby whom she named Carlos, Jr. Pilar was happy to get the news. In her letter, Juanita also noted that Carlos had left the family business, and that she's thrilled with her family. Pilar then went to visit Juanita's home, and the women shared a happy reunion. Pilar was glad that she was wrong about Carlos. Soon, Carlos came home and kissed his wife, and was charming and friendly toward Pilar. "I look forward to getting to know you better," he told her, moving in just a little too close to Pilar. In the present, Pilar regretted not leaving Juanita's home at that point. Returning to the flashback, Pilar walked in on Carlos gloating to a friend on the phone about how his wife thought he was a lawyer when he was actually involved in his family's crime business. He ordered his associate to kill someone for "business" purposes. Pilar was horrified and went to find Juanita, but Carlos grabbed her before she could leave the room. Pilar confronted him about deceiving Juanita, but Carlos didn't care. He proposed that he and Pilar become lovers, but she refused and smacked him. She tried to call the police, but he violently shoved her to the ground. He then grabbed her by her ankles and dragged her across the ground, as she screamed. He beat her unconscious and murmured that he always gets what he wants, as he crawled on top of her. Later, after the rape, Pilar hit her attacker with a vase and killed him. Wow, this was seriously disturbing.

After being attacked, Pilar sat on the couch rocking back and forth as she stared at Carlos's body. Juanita returned home and found her friend in a daze. She then spied Carlos's body and kneeled over the corpse. Pilar explained what had happened, but Juanita didn't believe her. "You killed my Carlos! You're a murderer!" Juanita cried.... In the present, Blonde Juanita gazed at a photo of Carlos and promised to avenge his death for him, while Pilar said that she didn't mean to kill Carlos... Back in the past, Juanita sobbed over her husband's corpse. Pilar insisted that Carlos isn't the man Juanita thought he was, but Juanita wouldn't hear about it. Pilar explained that she overheard Carlos making a drug deal. Juanita put her hands up to her ears and literally refused to listen. Soon, the cops arrived and began randomly shooting at the home. Juanita's entire family, including her children, was killed in the shoot-out, and Juanita was declared an accessory in Carlos's crimes. Juanita warned Pilar that when she gets out of prison, she's going to kill Pilar and everyone Pilar loves. Present-day Juanita again stated the same thing, while present-day Pilar vowed to protect her family. Yikes. Happy Thanksgiving!

The show opened with a terrified turkey hanging around outside Tabitha's home. "Oh no, it's Thanksgiving in Harmony!" said the thought bubble above its head.

Eve awakened in a drunken stupor in her office. She recalled Valerie coming in for an exam. But when she went to see her patient, it was Vincent. "Happy Thanksgiving," he said cheerfully. Eve asked why he was making everyone think he was dead. Vincent explained that he's a wanted criminal, and vowed to drive Eve out of her mind. He was still angry with her for not being there for him as a child. Eve tried to make sense of the fact that she was examining Valerie and now Vincent was there instead. Vincent noted that Val's uh, anatomy, had seemed familiar to Eve. Eve realized that Vincent and Valerie were one in the same. Wow. Vincent referred to himself, us herself, uh make that themselves as "we." "Now we're pregnant," announced Vincent. "How is that possible?" asked a bewildered Eve. "Look it up," s/he replied. In which book, Vinny? Eve tried to grasp the particulars of Vin/Val's body. "It's awfully complicated down there,' s/he explained. EWWWWWW! Vincent chuckled over the fact that he was pregnant with his dad's baby. Double EWWWWW! Vin/Val offered Eve some pills to go with her booze. Eve tried to figure out the unborn baby's wacky family tree. "That's disgusting," shuddered Eve. She said it! "Luckily for me, the baby will have to buy me gifts for Mother's Day and Father's Day," cracked Vin/Val. Okay, that was pretty funny.

A sad Tabitha noted that Thanksgiving is Endora's favorite holiday, and wondered what kind of celebration her daughter was having in Hell. Kay reminded her that Miguel's with Endora. "They'll be serving minced Miguel pie in Hell," Tabitha warned her, reminding Kay that they have to do evil in order to get their loved ones back. Kay argued that she's a good person, but Tabby pointed out that Kay was once a mean girl. Soon, Paloma arrived with a large bag of groceries. Paloma noted that Noah was acting strange. Tabitha perked up when she heard this. Suddenly, Fancy arrived on Tabitha's doorstep, but couldn't figure out how she'd gotten there. Noah answered the door as if he were in a trance; he and Fancy apologized to one another for kissing each other .... but after Tabitha zapped them, began making out again.

In the hospital, Gwen screeched and yelled when Theresa arrived with Ethan. Ethan explained that he got the charges dropped against Theresa. Gwen shrieked at him to take her back to jail. Ethan pointed out that Gwen can't prove that Theresa tried to poison her. He then informed Gwen that he went to Theresa to see if Jane could be a match for Jonathan's partial liver transplant. Theresa admitted that she was concerned about Jane going through such an extreme surgery at such a young age. Ethan urged Gwen to drop the charges against Theresa. Theresa said that she didn't mean to poison Gwen, and agreed to have Jane tested. Gwen was actually grateful. Theresa pointed out that they might have to tell Ethan that Little Ethan is his son if Jane's not a match. "Never," replied Gwen. Theresa couldn't believe that Gwen would let her son die just to keep her from Ethan.

In the kitchen, Paloma gushed to Kay about Noah and how she hoped to marry him soon. Kay warned her that Noah is a man, so she should watch out. In the living room, Tabby kept zapping Noah and Fancy so they'd continue kissing. Kay walked in and was shocked to see them smooching on the couch. Kay zapped Paloma into Fancy's position, while Fancy was zapped into the kitchen with her hand shoved up the turkey. Neither woman could figure out what was happening. Paloma wondered why something strange happened to them every time they visited Tabitha's home. Tabby then zapped Noah and Fancy ... and they ended up making out on the table, getting the food all over themselves. Ew! Next, Paloma was zapped into the kitchen, and then back into the hallway. She kept getting zapped back and forth and the witches had a magical showdown. Later, a spellbound Fancy came downstairs wearing a Pilgrim's hat, a slinky pink nightie and a feather boa so she could play the "Pilgrim living in sin." "How are you gonna get out of this one?" Tabby challenged Kay. Paloma was furious. Fancy begged Noah to take her upstairs and put her in the stocks again. Noah called her a bad girl and kissed Fancy right in front of Noah. Paloma broke down in tears. Kay counterzapped Noah, who insisted that he loved Paloma. Tabby zapped him and he went back to Fancy. Paloma stormed out. Tabitha hoped this would earn her points with the Dark Side ... which begs the question. How dark is the Dark Side, really, if doing "evil" includes ruining the love lives of a bunch of kids? Kay ended up turning Fancy into a turkey ... who was wearing a pink slip. "Whoa, the turkey's wearing lingerie," observed Noah. Kay lied that the turkey was Norma and Edna's pet, then pointed out that the turkey was male. "It's a cross dresser," announced Kay. "I feel pretty. Is that so wrong?" asked the turkey in a thought bubble. Paloma became frightened as Kay and Tabby continued their zap battle.

PASSIONS takes a break on Fridays. Recaps will resume on Monday.