Friday, May 25, 2007
Sheridan babbled to herself about how Fancy brainwashed Luis and Fancy was just his rebound choice. Sher plotted to prevent him and Fancy from being together, but was disappointed when her spy camera failed to work.

In the prison hospital, a disguised Fancy visited Luis. He feared that they'd be caught, but Fancy argued that she since was hired to be a guard (albeit by using a phony name), she had a right to be there. She then pulled the curtain around his bed so they could get some privacy. As they began to have sex, they joked around, pretending that they were in a much more romantic locale.... Sheridan got the camera working and continued to mutter aloud as she spied on the pair. She called the prison warden so she could stop them and smiled as a guard interrupted the lovers. Fancy tried to talk her way out of it, but the guard warned that they're both in trouble. He revealed that he received a call from the outside.... Sheridan celebrated her "win" as she watched on her computer. Later, Fancy reamed her out for spying and calling the guard on them. Sheridan told her that Luis will eventually realize he's with the wrong woman. Fancy noted that if anything happens to Luis, it's Sheridan's fault. Sure enough, Luis was informed that he's being taken out of solitary. The guard smugly reminded Luis how much the other prisoners like ex-cops — and added that his cell block mates are being stripped of their privileges and told that it's Luis's fault.

Ivy was relieved that Ethan hadn't been killed in the mausoleum fire. Naturally, she blamed Theresa for the incident and demanded that he never see her again. Ethan refused, explaining that he loves Theresa. Rebecca arrived and joined in on the Theresa bashing. Ethan defended Tess to the other women. Rebecca then informed them that she and Ethan both spoke to Gwen; she was upset that they had no idea where her daughter is. Rebecca pleaded with Ethan to call Gwen again because she has a feeling that something "isn't right" with her. When they resumed speaking against Theresa, Ethan told them to do it without him.... Rebecca and Ivy plotted to get the late J.T.'s information file so they could learn all of Theresa's secrets.

Julian paid Eve a visit at work. They examined the text message that had been sent to Julian, but couldn't figure out who the sender was. They wondered if it was a warning about their child. Eve also wondered if perhaps it was really about Fox and Ivy lied to Julian about his paternity. Julian insisted that Fox is his son. He then worried that perhaps none of his children are actually his biological offspring. Julian wished Eve would give him another chance, but she refused. He asked her to run a DNA test on Fox, just to be sure that they're related. He was pleased when the results came back positive, but devastated when Eve revealed that Little Ethan isn't his child. Julian concluded that Theresa knew all along, but kept quiet so her son would have Crane as a last name.... Ethan left Theresa a message saying that he loves her and will be with eventually.

At a gay bar, Vincent told Chad how much he means to him. They embraced ... just as Whitney and Theresa walked in. Upon realizing that they'd been summoned to a gay bar, Whit wisely concluded that Vincent is homosexual. Still, she didn't understand why he'd kept that secret. "His personal life has absolutely nothing to do with me," she stated. Meanwhile, Chad insisted that his relationship with Vince was over, but Vincent didn't want it to end.... as they searched for Vincent in the crowd, Theresa and Whitney marveled over how many gay men live in Harmony.... Chad spied Whitney and freaked out, accusing Vincent of setting up their meeting so Whitney would catch them together. Vincent offered to show him an escape route so that he could avoid being seen by his wife and took him to the storage room. The men began arguing. Chad punched him, but this only turned Vincent on. Chad grabbed him in a headlock, but that soon turned into an embrace. Back in the club, the bartender handed a note to Whitney, which instructed her to head to the storage room. There, they found the guys naked and in a compromising position.

Thursday, May 24, 2007
Kay struggled to come clean with Miguel about Fox, who entered to take Kay off to bed. Kay had no choice but to comply. Fox apologized to an unimpressed Miguel, who was baffled by Kay's jittery behavior, for having him thrown in jail. Later, Miguel called a conflicted Kay and she tried to get rid of him. She hopped into the shower, where she was stunned to be confronted by Miguel. Kay refused to answer Miguel's questions about her shift in attitude and declared that she was staying with Fox. Migs told Kay she was breaking his heart. After he left, she broke down in tears.

Chad, Paloma and Noah discussed Chad's need to break things off with Vincent. Chad insisted that he could never tell Whit about Vincent. Whitney, meanwhile, wondered why Vincent wanted to meet with her. Whit told Theresa about Vincent's texts. Whit reminded Theresa that she has to tell Ethan the truth because secrets always come out. Noah gave the same advice to Chad, about coming clean with Whit.... Vincent was tickled at the prospect of Whit catching him with Chad.... Paloma lamented to Noah about how widespread infidelity is. Noah told Paloma that he still believes in true love... Chad told Vincent that it was over between them. Vincent made a scene, then pretended to accept Chad's decision. He also managed to persuade Chad to have one last drink with him.

An urgent envelope was delivered to the Crane mansion. Julian found it and brought it to Theresa, who was mortified when she opened it and found a threatening letter ("Get ready to pay for what you've done"). Julian demanded to see the note, but Whit intervened, blasting Julian for cheating on Eve. Julian flipped out over Little Ethan being heir to the Crane fortune and left in a huff when Theresa announced that she'd had his putting green dug up. After Julian left, she showed Whit the note and the DNA results they were appended to. Theresa resolved to bring down her blackmailer. Whitney got another text from Vincent urging her to come get her surprise. Fed up, she decided to go meet him. Theresa tagged along.

Fox assured Julian that Kay was upholding her end of their bargain. Julian then got a text message saying he should have a DNA test conducted on his son. Fox and Julian were baffled.

Whit and Theresa arrived at the gay bar. Inside, Vincent and Chad downed their drinks and Vincent threw his arms around Chad just as Whit entered.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007
At the Harmony penitentiary, Julian and Fox agreed that Kay must never know that her hubby was in on the deal to free Miguel because if she finds out, she'll dump Fox. Pilar walked up and overheard the tail end of the conversation, but the Cranes fooled her with a cover story. In the meantime, Kay tried to tell Miguel that she's staying with Fox, but he kept chattering about their future. Afterward, Julian pulled his daughter-in-law aside and warned her to end things with Miguel pronto.

The snooty moms visiting Tabitha were shocked to see their little girls turned into hot teenagers at a coed beach party in Tabby's living room. Tab tried to hustle the gawking mothers back to the kitchen for tea and denied that there was a teen beach party going on, despite the fact that they were sprayed by an ocean wave. Thanks to some witchcraft, the moms were zapped back to the kitchen, where Tabby played dumb and turned the tables by claiming that other mothers had warned her about the three of them. Tabby coyly reported that according to gossip, the women have "episodes" followed by blackouts. The moms squirmed when she mentioned that they booze it up and pop pills. When she made pills and liquor appear on the kitchen table, it shut the moms up. The trio were so baffled that they started to buy the witch's claims, but still insisted on going back to the living room. Tab froze them in place, rushed to the beach party and loudly called an end to the bash. Teen Endora pouted as her mother ordered her to get rid of the boys and turn herself and the girls back into children. After calling her mom a "total square," Endora said the party was over "until next time." Afterward, Julian arrived with Fox, Miguel and a glum Kay and filled in Endora on Miguel's freedom. When they were alone, Julian gloated to Fox that Kay would be his wife "in every way" that very night. In Maria's bedroom, Kay again started to break things off, however he wouldn't stop talking about their love. Outside, Fox waited impatiently for his wife.

Meanwhile, Tabby hid a beach ball left behind and unfroze the suspicious mothers, who wanted to know how she got to the living room so quickly. Too bad Endora's blabby friends told their moms about all the fun they had at the grown-up beach party. Gulp! Tabby told the mothers that the kids were watching a DVD, which was so believable it hypnotized the mothers. "If there had been a beach here, where is it now?" she challenged, noting that she couldn't make a beach just disappear. Two of the moms decided to swap some pills and booze, while the other considered rehab — again.

In the flaming smoke-filled mausoleum, a sobbing Theresa confessed Little Ethan’s paternity to Ethan, who remained silent. "Please forgive me," she begged right before a flaming beam knocked them out. From the other side of the wall, Noah and Chad tried to get to the pair as Paloma, Whitney and a recently arrived Eve fretted and the lurking she-male skulked about in the shadows. Emergency workers arrived and helped the fellows break down the wall. Ethan and Theresa were rescued. She awoke and recounted to Whitney that she told Ethan the truth, but they were knocked out before he could respond. Later on, Eve and the gang escorted Ethan and Theresa, wearing oxygen masks, back to the Crane mansion.

Chad received a call from Vincent, summoning him to the gay bar where they met. Meanwhile, Whitney and Theresa wondered how Ethan felt about the confession since he wasn't mentioning it. Chad told Noah and Paloma that he had to go meet Vincent and they insisted on coming along. Paloma noted that as a cop, she could help keep the peace. They waited outside the mansion, while Chad came up with a lie for his wife.... Alone with Ethan, Theresa started talking about her admission, but he explained that he passed out before she hearing what she had to say. Eve interrupted to order the pair to stop yapping and put on their oxygen masks.

Whitney received a text message from Vincent, who wanted her to meet him at the bar for a "surprise." In the meantime, Chad was at the bar looking for his lover, while men hit on Noah and admired Paloma's ability to look so much like a real woman.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007
While a clueless Crane security guard was outside, Theresa and Ethan desperately yelled for help from the burning mausoleum. Theresa worried about Ethan not loving her after the blackmailer spills her secret when they get out. There were no signs of the fire from the outside.

Paloma kept pushing Noah to reveal the secret Chad is about to tell Whitney, but he didn't want to betray his friend's trust. They promised never to lie to each other. Chad's confession was interrupted when Whitney got a call from her dad, who was watching Miles. Chad said they need to concentrate on the baby they're having and not let things like Vincent's text message distract them. Then he walked into the foyer and told Noah he didn't tell Whit about his affair with Vincent. Just then, Paloma walked in and asked, "Is that Vincent's secret?" Chad told her it is, but he's breaking things off with the reporter. Whitney came along just as Paloma got a call about Theresa and Ethan trapping the blackmailer in the mausoleum. Paloma, Noah, Chad and Whitney arrived and entered the building. Finally, they smelled smoke and found the secret door to the room where Theresa and Ethan were trapped. "My lungs are on fire," Theresa screamed. Noah called the fire station for help, and Whitney phoned Eve. Theresa and Ethan hollered for them to open the door with the ring on the wall. When it fell off, the half-man/half-woman laughed loud enough for everyone to hear. Theresa said it was all her fault because she kept secrets. "I have to tell you my secret," she said. "Whatever it is, it doesn't matter," he assured her. "When we were in Rome, I found out something amazing. I found out Little Ethan is your son.... I wanted to tell you, but I was so afraid," she ranted while hugging Ethan, who didn't respond.

Kay, Julian, Pilar and Fox arrived at the prison. Miguel was wheeled in to see them. Jules announced he had a witness who would help get Migs out of jail. Enter Spike, who claimed he saw who ran down Fox. The judge ordered Spike to explain what he saw. Reilly questioned the Spike's credibility. After the witness offered to take a lie detector test, the judge granted Miguel his immediate release. Fox privately thanked Julian for helping make Kay his forever. Meanwhile, Miguel told Kay to divorce Fox right away so they could be together. "There's something I have to tell you," Kay said.

While Endora and Maria watched a movie starring her favorite doll, Michelle, the doorbell rang. Tabitha answered it, surprised to see three confused mothers there to drop their daughters off for a sleepover. Tabs covered and brought the women to the kitchen while the girls played, and pointed out that she has a surveillance monitor to keep an eye on the little ones. She served tea to the moms who were very inquisitive as to how Tabitha keeps her house to clean without help. When Endora's friends complained of boredom, the witchlet fixed the surveillance tape and turned the girls into teenagers and magically conjured up a beach party — boys included. When the women heard music, Tabby realized Endora was causing trouble in the living room. She rushed in to find the party her daughter concocted. Tabs begged Older Endora to do something before the mothers walk in. Too late. "Our little girls are teenagers," one said.

Monday, May 21, 2007
Paloma asks Whitney if she is at least curious as to what the surprise is Vincent e-mailed her about. Whit admitted she was curious, but not enough to meet up with Vincent. Just then, she received another text from him. Whitney decided to talk to her husband about it. In the next room, Chad continued to tell Noah that he's not gay, he was just sleeping with Vincent. Noah advised him to confess his affair to Whit because secrets tend to come out in Harmony. Bennett assured Chad that he isn't the person he needs to worry about leaking the info — it's Vincent. Whitney and Paloma interrupted the boys. Whit showed Chad the text message that read: "We need to meet. Big secret. You, me, and Chad together." Chad told his wife he needed to talk to her alone. As soon as they left, Paloma asked Noah what he knows about Chad and Vincent. Noah struggled for what to say, but after her many questions, he finally said Chad and Vincent were in a fight at the motel, then the gun fired on accident. Officer Paloma said she had to arrest Chad for attempted murder. Meanwhile, Chad tried to find the right words to tell his wife about his relationship with Vincent. Whit grew nervous waiting for him to say what was on his mind.

Luis told a nun-disguised Sheridan to stop kissing him and that he loves Fancy. "I moved on," he said before telling her to leave. Sher still believed Luis would realize she is the woman he truly loves, and offered to help him escape.... Esme and Fancy watched the surveillance video from her bedroom. A furious Fancy stormed out to stop her aunt, and Esme followed. They arrived at the prison and spotted a nun. "Stop right there Sister Bitch-on-wheels," yelled Fancy, who was wearing her guard get-up. Oops! It is a real nun — not Sheridan! Esme offered to go with Sister Alice to visit the prisoners. "You might want to spend a few moments in the chapel in some quiet contemplation," the nun told Fancy before leaving. Fancy interrupted Sheridan's chat with Luis and told her aunt to get off of him. "I used to think you were classy," Fancy barked. Sheridan told Fancy they need to get Luis out of the jail before he's sent back to solitary confinement; she has a plan to help him escape and leave the country under fake identities. Luis told Sheridan again that he's not going anywhere with her, that he's staying with Fancy. A defeated Sheridan started to finally take off, but Fancy got in a good slap first. Luis was cold to a sympathy-seeking Sheridan. "I'm sorry if I did or said anything inappropriate, but I love you," she said. Luis and Fancy ordered her to leave, and she finally obeyed their wish. Fancy cried to Luis about his impending death. Sheridan barged into Fancy's bedroom and saw/heard them on the surveillance the ex-cop set up on her laptop. Sher freaked out and threw the computer.

From the inside, the half-man/half-woman blocked the entrance of the mausoleum with coffins so that Ethan and Theresa couldn't get to him. Crane security helped the duo try to get in. "Are you sure Theresa wants you to catch me," chuckled the she-male through the door. "I'm merely the care-taker of secrets.... Has she told you her secret?" he/she asked Ethan. A nervous Theresa told Ethan she was going to tell him what it is, but he said not to give into the freak's threats. Ugh! Ethan, you've been getting her to tell you, so just let her finally spit it out! The guard and Ethan managed to get the door open and saw the man/woman through the pile of coffins propped against the door. He/she ran. Theresa stopped Ethan from going after him/her and said that no matter what the blackmailer tells him, to know she always loved him. The man/woman's voice taunted the duo. Ethan and Theresa went into the mausoleum and discovered a secret doorway leading to a shrine to Ethan next to the half-man/half-woman masks. "Whatever this thing is, it's a lot sicker than I thought," mumbled Ethan. Totally shaken, they decided to leave. However, the door shut and trapped them inside. Theresa received a video message from the man/woman. Suddenly, the room went up in flames all around them.

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